Several years ago, Bill, a member of Faith Baptist Church where I serve, was caught in public sin. When confronted he initially appeared to reject counsel but within a few days made the right decision.
Not long after those events, Bill came to my house bringing Jack. Jack is a Christian that I have known for some years but is not a member of my church. He attends another church one of the largest and most well known congregations in my city. On a Thursday afternoon Bill contacted me asking if he could come over to my house. I was planning to make a visit Thursday night but was able to re-arrange my schedule so that I could meet with Bill. When Bill came over on Thursday night, Jack was with him. Jack and Bill visit my house a couple of times a year. Usually, there is some Biblical topic of discussion that gives me the opportunity to teach.
On that Thursday evening we talked until after 9 o'clock but not about anything important. Jack told me that he had a girlfriend and that he had not been planning to come over that night; however, when he and his girlfriend argued over her plans for school Jack stormed out and ran into Bill. Bill who was coming to my house suggested that they both come over together. So they did.
We talked briefly about his girlfriend whom I had never met. (Let's call his girlfriend Sandy). Then Jack said that they should go and suggested that we pray. We prayed about some needs that they mentioned. As soon as I said, "Amen," Jack said, "There's something else I want to tell you. I've been living with my girlfriend ..." This statement started a discussion that went well into the night about a Christian's walk. His said that his girlfriend was a Christian, and they moved in together initially because they both needed a place to live, etc.
Though it was already late this led to a long discussion about what the Bible says about marriage and purity. Jack readily admitted that what they were doing was wrong and wanted advice on what he should do now. I told him frankly that he needed to at least live apart from his wife, refrain from any intimate activity, and ask the forgiveness of his girlfriend Sandy and his parents (who are not saved) and Sandy's mother (who also is not saved). I told him that because he continued to live in sin he was hurting the his testimony. This was the reason that he should approach his parents and Sandy's mother (her father has passed on) and admit that he was not living according to the Bible.
In the end, I offered to meet with him and his girlfriend. He said that the two of them could meet me on Saturday. He then went back to the apartment that he was sharing with his girlfriend and told her that they would have to sleep in separate beds without telling her anything else.
On Saturday night, I headed over to the apartment that he was sharing with his girlfriend to talk to both of them.
Every couple my age and younger in Mongolian that I have met and become acquainted with in Mongolia has lived together before they were formally married. Usually, a couple will live together until the woman becomes pregnant at which time they will get married.
Jack and Sandy were no different. They admitted that what they were doing was wrong but made various excuses. It was obvious that Jack was trying to soothe his conscious through a variety of stratagems. He and his father had asked for Sandy's mother's permission for Jack and Sandy to marry in September. In November they had announced to their friends that they were engaged to be married. Then since the Thursday night that I had approached them they had been sleeping apart but in the same apartment. It was obvious that they both felt guilty about what they were doing and were looking for ways to assuage their guilt without actually living apart.
Cultural, it is very appropriate to spend the first ten or fifteen minutes in light conversation even if both parties know exactly why they are meeting. (It used to be a real burden for me to talk for ten or fifteen minutes about nothing of consequence when there were bigger topics looming on the horizon.) After the initial small talk we came back to the reason that I had come over: what were these two Christian young people going to do. I expressed it this way to Jack: "Are you completely convinced that living God's way is best or not?" We kept coming back to this over and over that evening.
Jack first told me a well-known Mongolian joke about an alcoholic that goes to alcoholic rehab for treatment. After a period of treatment the doctor comes in and says, "You're cured. Now don't drink any liquor for 56 days." To which the recovering alcoholic responds, "Can I drink beer?" When I heard the story, I understood the Mongolia cultural milieu in which the joke was born. If I cannot have whisky, can I drink beer? Jack then proceeded to suggest that he could sleep on one side of the room and Sandy could sleep on the other. I laughed out loud at first both at the ridiculousness of the concept and because I thought Jack was trying to be funny since his suggestion came immediately following the joke.
We dispensed with that possibility rather quickly, and I think it is superfluous to the story to explain how I dealt with his idea. Suffice it to say that both of them quickly realized the impossibility of maintaining their Christian testimony and living in the same apartment. I pointed out to them the need for Christians to "flee youthful lusts," not merely find ways to accommodate them.
His next objection was that people would misunderstand why he had moved out. They would think that he and Sandy had quarreled and think that their engagement was off. I went back again to my initial question: "Are you completely convinced that living God's way is best or not?" I stated that all his objections could be overcome if he truly trusted that living according to God's word was best.
He had other objections: where would he live? - I told him he could live at my place if he really needed a place; what if their love for each other waned while they lived apart? - I asked if their love was really that weak.
Then I went back to my original question, "Are you completely convinced that living God's way is best or not?" When they finally agreed that God's way was best, I asked them what that admission meant. How were they going to live out what they knew was God's best for them? People around the world are the same: we can easily fall into the trap of admitting truth but claiming that it we are somehow the exception to the rule.
Jack suggested that he needed to move out.
"When?" I pressed.
"Soon"
"Why not tonight?" I asked.
This led to another round of conversation. I won't bore you with the details, but in the end Jack and Sandy agreed that he would move back in with his parents. I watched as he packed his things and then helped him carry his bags to the far side of the street to catch a taxi.
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